Stuart returned this morning looking quite hung-over and more than a little over-sexed. I almost kicked him out. Instead I rinsed his toothbrush in the toilet and left without a kiss.
I turn my hatred inwards, dear reader, but sometimes it runs amok. I imagine how it would feel to stab him with a fork. I wonder if Kate Middleton ever has such thoughts. Does she ever gaze across that expansive table and think, “If only I could hurl this 15th century ivory-handled steak knife into William’s pasty white throat, severing his vocal cords, so that I would never have to hear him laugh like that again”? I wonder.
Tomorrow the country celebrates their love. Today I think, I wish I could sleep through tomorrow. I celebrate this goal. Toward my goal, I have begun drinking whiskey. Thirty minutes ago I switched to shots. I’d like to make a toast. I drink to my oblivion. Stuart is out with our turtle masseuse. He thinks I will never know. I know he will never think where his toothbrush is headed next.
i hate who i am when i'm with him reader. i really do. i really really do.
I spent the weekend with my mother. At the institution. My brother went hungry underground. Who knows where my sisters were, those neglectful bitches. I don't pity my mother, but what did I do to deserve an asylum holiday? Petty gods laugh at my expense. Don't think I am ignorant of this.
My boss enticed me back to work with a free session with Dylan, an organic life coach. I resent his cunning. Everyone has a price, and he knows my price is free.
Dylan is handsome, but he has terrible fashion sense. Flip flops in April, with those toenails? Bamboo fibers will not wear well if you don't put in the work. My soul cries out for the justice that only a lifestyle diva can deliver. Even this promise of heterosexuality could not soothe my anguish. I longed to clasp him to my bosom and heal him of his own personal betrayal. His head was halfway to my chest when I remembered Stuart. Stuart who did not come home last night. Yes. I remembered.
~xo Seonaid
Stuart just left. He brought take away (curry for me, crickets for Hugo) and changed the locks on my door. He had a charity shop remove her things from his flat. Said Berit made threats. She's been ordered to attend anger management classes. A hooker with a heart of darkness. I'd laugh if not for fear of internal rupture.
I told Stuart about our baby. He seemed to take it well. Plumped my pillow. Pinched my breasts. Obviously, we couldn't consumate the relationship. I'm recuperating. Also, my cycle doesn't end until Tuesday. I'm so horny I'm fearful.
~xo Seonaid
Dear Readers,
I write to you from my sick bed. There's been a terrible development. Please believe me when I say, I absolutely never meant for this to happen. In this crazy, random, happenstance universe, through no fault of our own, we are sometimes forced into the wrong place at the wrong time. Like yesterday.
Berit, without provocation, experienced a total loss of control. I don't mind telling you, since you weren't there and must trust my sincere account of this remarkable incident: I've never seen anything like it. I was in front of my flat taking Hugo Turtle for a walk, when all of a sudden, I heard…grunting. I looked across the street and there stood Berit with Stuart. She must have been crying out to me - her mouth was moving but the noises she made…were inhuman. Guttural. It puts me in mind of the Exorcist. Have you seen it? She sounded just like that little girl. Unreal! Just like her.
I’ve never seen anyone navigate such heavy traffic with such speed, agility… not grace, no, but speed and agility kept her from getting hit. Too bad, because, burdened as I was with turtle, I was unable to escape. Helpless to defend against the onslaught. Berit hammered me with her fists, screaming obscenities. My arms, of necessity, were over my head and thus blocked my vision but I imagine Berit didn't look her best. Until the bruises fade, I won't either.
A neighbor called the police. Berit was arrested. I’m filing an order of protection. She’ll be forced from her flat. That’s unfortunate but, as Stuart pointed out, she brought this on herself.
Talking of which, he was very tender towards me and our turtle. He’s stopping by to nurse my wounds. I'm going to tell him about the baby. He deserves to know.
~xo Seonaid
Posts
