Don’t lie to your mother. Pearls like this from Bristol Palin’s new memoir, “Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far”, have me wondering, is this where I went wrong? I still lie to my mother. I lie to her all the time. Sometimes I can’t remember what’s real and what isn’t. Other times she catches me in an unintentional truth I think is a lie, and it's only as I defend my dishonesty that I recognize my fact from my carefully orchestrated fiction.
But Bristol learned her lesson early - and it shows. With such deceptively simple advice, the high-school-slut-turned-teen-mom transformed herself into a wealthy chastity speaker cum reality star/published writer. Perhaps I should have paid more attention to what yesteryear's peers had to say, ‘cos today’s teens have a backlog of unspent wisdom.
After finishing Bristol’s easy read, I wondered what else I’d been missing. What if Hannah Montana’s got it all figured out? Never judge a book by its author. And, not all memoirs are created equal. That’s what Miley Cyrus taught me in her unrealistic “Miles to Go”- what with all the shouts out to Jesus and the bits about the importance of family. Right then I knew, this kid has not lived. She still thinks her parents won't cheat or betray her. Probably she’s not even lied that much to them, and - as Bristol pointed out - until the lying stops, the learning can’t begin. Miley’s crippling honesty will doom her to a lifetime of ignorance.
I’m in the market for second-hand knowledge, so what are publishers waiting for? They say bad things happen to good people, but has anyone actually asked Justin Bieber to weigh in? Just imagine the epic insights we might access if someone tapped the cast of Harry Potter? I’ll be waiting at the bookstore with my credit card. Or cash, should Dakota Fanning speak out against the evils of compounding interest.